Today I don’t want to be strong.
Today, I don’t want to tell everyone they’ll be okay. I mean, what if they won’t?
Today, I don’t want to say “you got this.” I mean, what if you don’t?
I don’t feel like saying, hang in there, keep getting up, it’s worth it. What if it’s not?
“Life on life’s terms” is not always an even playing field. Sometimes, life’s terms suck. People get sick, husbands have heart attacks and parents get older. Those are life’s terms. I used to cheat life’s terms. I didn’t “do” life on life’s terms. I’d drink through it and change the terms. I’d hide from the feelings and just not deal.
Guess what? Hiding from it doesn’t make it go away. Closing my eyes doesn’t mean it can’t find me. Life still happens. And, I’ve learned, it is okay. It really does get better.
Happy is an emotion and emotions change. So is sad. It is okay to be sad. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that you need to be fixed. For me, being able to be sad has become somewhat of a super power. I don’t need someone to tell me don’t be that way. I don’t need anyone to say anything. I just acknowledge that there are sad circumstances going on and that it is really okay.
I think, in today’s world, with instant everything, we forget that life is a process, that it takes time to heal and it takes time to develop. Instant gratification, instant coffee, instant being okay. It is just not how it is. Sometimes, the good stuff takes work and it takes time.
So, guess what? I might not feel it every moment of every day, but I really do mean it. “You got this.” I know this in my heart. I’ve got this, too.
As a wise woman recently told me, “you gotta feel the low lows if you want to be able to feel the high highs.” Well, life, give me what you got. I’m ready.