Dying

death

My family has suffered 2 deaths in the past two weeks.  The first was my sister in law, 47.  She died from complications from pneumonia.  That’s the simplest way to put it.  The second, last night, was my father in law.  While at the wake for my sister in law, my father in law was taken to the hospital due to a lot of fluid build up.  While there, he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer. He lasted a little longer than a week.  He died 2 weeks after my sister in law.

Watching my brother and my mother in law is so sad.  Watching the children (albeit adults) lose a parent is heartbreaking.  I’m just freaking sad.

I’m sad and even filled with some guilt.  Guilt I wasn’t a better friend to my sister in law.  Guilt that I didn’t see my father in law as often as I should have.

Guilt that my sister in law died on the 3 year anniversary of my suicide attempt.  Guilt watching family members hurt so much from these unavoidable tragedies.  Guilt that I almost put my family members through something similar.

I’m just sad today.

3 thoughts on “Dying”

  1. Those deaths alter the lives of those still living. You will be altered; are being altered. I hope you find a place where the guilt can be released. It’s one voice. There are other voices there, too.

    I’m sorry for you and your family getting hit hard and suddenly by these deaths. For your losses. May you all find your way through it. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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