Vampirina. My grand-daughter turned 3 and had an awesome birthday party. It was Vampirina themed and if you are not familiar with this spooky new character, look her up. She’s actually pretty cool and tolerable. I was a big part of the celebration and, unlike 2 years ago at her first birthday party, I didn’t feel like the pariah. I was actively drinking at that time and not the family favorite. This party, I heard, “go ask grandma” and “can you get that?” and other things that just made me so grateful to be sober and an integral part of my family. Counting my blessings here.
Church. Sunday morning service. I had stayed away for so long it still surprises me that I have this longing to attend. I sat with my parents which made them really happy. I got a lot out of the service. It was about growth and taking care of our crap (my words, not the pastor’s) in order to be able to grow. I find it remarkable how similar the church message is so close to the AA message. Good stuff going in produces good stuff growing. Simple. Not easy.
Jail. I visited my son prior to church. The visit was okay. He is dealing with stuff. He is in line to be sent to a state funded recovery facility and will be released from jail soon. I am glad for this. Still hesitant and hopeful at the same time. I truly hope this is his turning point. I am still so amazed that this is our life right now. This is not how it was supposed to be. Sometimes I am so sad about all of this. Most of the time I’m fine. Doing what is necessary to maintain my sobriety and hopefully aid in my son’s. Sometimes I just feel like I have been gut punched. The breath is knocked out of me and I just have to regroup. There is nothing pleasant about having to drive to jail to see your loved one.
So, this is my new normal. Birthday cakes, jail and church. Somehow, they work. This weekend it will be wedding, barbecue and jail. That jail part seems to be our constant for the moment. Ah well. I am doing it. I think I am doing it okay.