So, today is my grand-daughter’s birthday. I woke up so sad for my son. Excited for my grand-daughter though. Her mom brought her by my office and I got to play with her for a little bit. Her big party was last Saturday and my son missed that as well. I know 100% it is all his fault, as does he. It doesn’t make it easier knowing where the blame lies though.
Reflecting on a few things, I realize we are really lucky that we have a good relationship with Kamry’s mom. That doesn’t mean we haven’t had our challenges, but we always work it out. One thing that my husband and I have talked about recently is how unbelievably nice Kamry’s other grandparents are. They could be a lot of other ways towards our family and about Nathan. Instead, they care. “How is Nathan doing?” They always ask. They don’t judge us for having a son that is a drug addict. They don’t hate Nathan for fathering a child with their daughter. They could. I’m not sure I would be as nice. We really got lucky.
My heart hurts knowing my child’s heart hurts. He talked about Kamry on Saturday when I visited him. He spoke of her on Monday when he called me. He sounded the saddest that he has been since he has been in jail. I think he always believed he would be released before her birthday. I did. Now it looks like he will be there another month, possible two. I can only hope that this feeling right here will be what it takes to help him get a stronghold on sobriety and staying clean. And I really have to say, seeing him clean right now every week is kind of nice, regardless of the circumstances. We talk about books, his plans and his daughter. The last few months before he was arrested he was back to using and if I talked to him at all it wasn’t pleasant.
So, today I am a little sad. I give a little nod to the sadness and keep it where it belongs. I am excited it is his baby girl’s birthday and that I get to help her celebrate. I am hopeful that this will be Nathan’s big “aha” moment.
Happy Birthday, Kamry Anne. You are so loved.