Memories

Sometimes I love Facebook memories.  They pop up, I’m like, oh yeah.  That was cool.  But this weekend the memory was me congratulating my daughter for her senior night at school.  It was a celebration of the senior cheerleaders.  I showed up with her bow she forgot, flowers in hand to walk her in, and drunk.  She knew.  I stayed and watched her cheer.  Went home.  Cried the entire way.  I was such a terrible mom to her that year.  She was so disappointed in me.  I’m crying now.  I actually called her and apologized.  That girl gets more apologies than she knows how to handle.

I have to own it.  I can’t pretend I never got that bad.  I did.  I sometimes feel my face get red while I type this stuff out.  I’d like to keep it buried in some vault and act like this new me is who I’ve always been.  I suspect that type of action would get me drinking again though.  So here I sit, owning it.  One embarrassing memory at a time.  Ugh.