We just went on our first cruise and what was probably the first time I didn’t drink on a vacation. I had pretty mixed feelings at first, while I was watching everyone drink like it was nothing. For me, drinking was never nothing. My friend was there and had a drink that she didn’t finish. Twice! To me, she looked like a super hero. She just didn’t want it. I can’t even comprehend that.
Mixed up. At first, I felt like maybe I was missing out. Like, my vacation wasn’t really a vacation because we weren’t drinking. Weird how you feel like you have grown so much and that those thoughts won’t invade your brain anymore, yet, there they are. I was actually jealous of those that were drinking. Felt like they belonged to a club and I wasn’t invited.
Then, I looked at everyone that was drinking as if they all were a bunch of drunks. Projecting much? Here I was, all sober and awesome and they couldn’t even have a good time without drinking. I watched people and I judged stumbles. Felt like I belonged to a club and they weren’t invited.
Then, I just had a great time. So weird. I had to get comfortable again. But I did. I got settled and had a fantastic time. My husband and I didn’t get into any fights. I don’t have any missing time. I don’t have any moments that make my face turn red. I climbed a rock wall and fell and it was awesome. I eventually just forgot about the alcohol. But for a minute, just like when I was drinking, it took up all the space in my head.