Chicken or Egg

Late in my life I became really depressed.  I was drinking a lot.  I don’t know what occurred first, the alcoholism or the depression. I just knew I came to a point that they both had to be dealt with.  I didn’t deal with either though.  So, being that they are both progressive, they both continued to get worse.

October 23, 2015 I couldn’t stand myself.  I couldn’t stand the fact that my family was done with me.  I couldn’t stand the fact that I would walk in circles before I could walk out my door.  I skipped work that day.  I swallowed a bottle of pills.  It’s really weird.  I remember the thoughts going into the act.  I just thought, if I could go to sleep and never wake up everyone would be better.  Then the thoughts after the act, “oh no, what if my daughter gets home before my husband.”  I started freaking out because I didn’t want her to find me.  So, I called my husband, asked him when he was getting home.  He could hear it in my voice, I guess the pills were already taking affect.  He called an ambulance and I ended up in the psych ward for a while.  Things started changing for me after that day.

2 thoughts on “Chicken or Egg”

    1. Your blog ~ your writing, sharing ~ is more than just a “read’ for me…I think about your experiences long after I have clicked off the site. One of the most dangerous things, we as humans do, is form opinions without full knowledge… Example: Someone who is detached from a situation (i’ll call them an outsider, because the disease of addiction didn’t touch their life) will often see the condition an addict finds them-self in and make quick judgments…insinuating that they have the answers…or that they cant’ believe so & so ended up “there”…or, worse…they declare that they would never allow something like THIS to happen in their family. This is assumption in it’s most dangerous form; and, I will even go as for to say that it is pure foolishness. Addiction is no respecter of persons and can happen in any family.
      As the mother of 1 heron addict and 3 “partiers”, I am often exposed to well-meaning individuals with this line of thinking. Words can be painful. Likewise, body language speaks even louder. People are so quick to classify, categorize and label one another…forgetting the are talking about a human being.
      Reading your story gives me insight into the mind of addicts I love…helps me understand their journey. Thank you for that! Thank you for being transparent, authentic and exposed. I appreciate your story! ❤

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